One Year Blogging Anniversary

It's been 1 year and 3 days since I started this blog (well, back at MSN spaces anyway). I went back the other day just to read what was happening at the time. It was the last day of my final year exams. I was in a very elated and excited mood. It seemed at the time that a new life is about to begin, everything seemed to be filled with hope, and the horrors of the exams were behind me.

A year later I sit here and reflect on the year past, and it seems life has done nothing but gone downhill......exponentially. I've become more jaded, pessimistic, and depressed. Life seems like nothing but a monotony of eat, work, sleep.

Today I actually went through my camera to sort out the photos to file away. The earliest photos on the camera dates back to just before exams last year. Going through the photos really brought back good memories of the past, where we did stupid things and had good laughs together. It seemed so long ago, although it's only been a year. Going through those photos makes me feel somewhat melancholy. I don't think I'll ever be as happy as I was back in those days. Despite the stress of exams and uni work, having people go through it all with you just seems to make it much more bearable. Now, despite being in touch with my friends still (to a degree), it's no longer the same. More times than not, it feels like there's this gigantic void around me and I can't feel nor see a living presence within this world I live in.

Sorting through the photos also made me feel acutely how far we've come. One of my close friends got married on the weekend. A year ago she was not even engaged, and now she's donned the cloak of matrimony and moved to the world where husband, children and family will become her focus in life. It was a beautiful wedding, filled with people who blessed their new life with well wishes. The bride was beautiful (I don't think there can ever be an ugly bride) and the groom handsome. The ceremony went smoothly, and dinner was absolutely exquisite. Yet at the end of a happy day, it felt like I was saying farewell permanently to my dear friend, as if I'll never see her again. That's just me being melodramatic but in some obscure way it probably was true.

What scares me the most is that there will be no end to all of this. It's not like school or uni, where once you graduate, you can put that life behind you and start afresh. There will never be another event that'll "graduate" me from the current life. Given the current trend, I don't know if I would like to keep on going......

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